


The Technicalities of Theft

by Spidermansalterego



Category: Boy Meets World
Genre: Gen, Nonbinary Character, Pre-Slash, femme shawn, nonbinary shawn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-07 08:20:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17362412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spidermansalterego/pseuds/Spidermansalterego
Summary: Shawn explores his gender





	The Technicalities of Theft

**Author's Note:**

> We all know Shawn in non-binary. We all saw Chick Like Me, it's a fact. Also this takes place in season four, but its hard to keep track of where he was living, but I think it was with Chet so I'm going to go with that.
> 
> you can read this as Cory/Shawn, if you'd like, but it can be read as platonic as well.

Shawn knows, deep down, that stealing is wrong.

But going to the store and purchasing make-up, with money he didn't really have, wasn’t something he could bring himself to do. As he walked the isles helplessly he kept his eyes on the saleswoman. She was blonde, with her hair done perfectly and her make up crisp and perfect. Shawn wanted to ask her how she did it but didn't have the courage to hear her reaction. She eyed him strangely and he realized he was staring. He could feel his heart in his throat and waited for the accusations to fly. She walked away, and he got to work.

He runs his fingers across the tubes of lipstick; entirely unsure of what shade would look good and which would make him look like a clown. He figured any would make him look like a clown and began swatching. He'd been in the store with his mom before, watched as she swiped reds and pinks on her wrist and then held it up for him to pick from. Back then it was like a game, but now that it was for him it felt more serious. 

He carefully made lines across his skin. Scarlet and crimson and salmon and all kinds of colours that basically all added up to red and pink but had fancy names attached. He settled on one and carefully placed it into his pants pocket; a dark red that reminded him of Gwen Stefani. He added a pink gloss beside it, breathing deeply as he did so. He was no stranger to the concept of shoplifting; he'd seen his father do it before, as well as his older cousins. They always knew where the cameras were and how to get the bigger stuff without being noticed. Shawn didn't care about bigger stuff or how much he could sell it for; it wasn't like that. He just likes the way it feels.

His hands shake as he grips a black eyeliner pencil. His jeans have giant pockets and he knows it goes unnoticed when he adds it to the growing stash. He hears the clacking of the employee's heels and quickly grabs and eye shadow tester. He opens it and peers in, feigning confusion as if he hadn't watched a hundred girls carefully apply it in their locker mirrors. 

“Can I help you with anything, sir?” She sounds more confused than suspicious and he feels himself begin to relax. Of course, she didn't suspect him of stealing make-up, what 16 year old boy would.

“No thanks, ma’am.” He says, probably too politely. “Just looking for a gift for my sister.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet!” She says, her confusion replaced with a condescending sweetness. “do you need any help?”

“No, I should be alright. I looked in her make-up bag before I left.” Shawn had become a pretty good liar.

“Alright sweetheart, just gimme a shout if you need anything at all!” She says, with a smile and he fakes one back.

He shoves the tester in his pocket, not caring all that much about the stranger's fingers that dug through it and gets out as quickly as he can without drawing suspicion. The whole walk home he runs his fingers across the tubes and grins. 

He spends the rest of the night in front of the bathroom mirror. He mimics what he's seen Topanga do, but without brushes, it comes out sloppy. She'd used her own make-up when he had dressed up for his and Cory's article, and she'd insisted that he didn't waste his money on something she had that he would never use again. He wished he bought them anyway; before he'd wasted all his Mob money on food.

The eyeliner is crooked, too thick and too thin depending on the eye, and his lipstick smeared, just a bit.

But standing in front of his small mirror, he’s never felt more beautiful. He smiles in a way that he thinks looks feminine and then breaks out into a full grin. Then he turns on the bathroom tap and washes it all down the drain.

xXx

Shawn doesn't think it counts as stealing, not really, since Topanga was giving them away anyway. They were sitting in her room; Cory on a chair in the corner and her propped up on her bed. Shawn sat at her vanity, pretending he wasn't interested in all the tiny brushes and little tubs and tubes. He imagines what it would be like to sit at one of these and apply his drug store lipstick. Topanga's mom always sent her the best stuff.

“I have a bag of clothes to donate to Goodwill.” Topanga says, nonchalantly. “Do you think your sister would want them, Cory?"

Shawn butts in before Cory can respond, a little bit too quickly, but his friends don't notice. "I can take them! To Goodwill, I mean. I live right by there." It wasn't really true, but he figured Topanga didn't come over enough to know that and Cory was too unobservant to realize. 

"Oh, but it's such a big bag Shawn, I'd feel bad if you had to carry it the whole walk home" 

"It's fine, Topanga, I'm stronger than I look. Plus, I was just leaving anyway, I can take it now".

"If you're sure." She says, as Shawn hauls it over his shoulder and heads toward the door. He ducks his head so they can't see him grin.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow!" He's gone before he hears them say goodbye.

When he gets home he locks his door. Really, since there's no lock, he pushes his dresser up against it. His dad isn't home a lot, so he doesn't really have to worry but he likes the security. 

He dumps the bag on his bed. It really is huge. Clothes for every season spill out. Some of it he's seen before but others are new, probably from her aunt or mom that she was too polite to decline. 

His favorite is instantly a summer dress; a floral thing that doesn't cling awkwardly, just spills out and spins when he moves even a little. It falls to his hairy knees and if it weren't for gym class and locker rooms, he'd probably just shave them. He takes it off carefully, as if it might fall to pieces under his hands, and folds it into the duffel bag he'd pulled out from beneath his bed. The bag is where he'd kept the dress Cory bought him a few months back, for their article. He was pretty sure Cory just donated his and figured Cory assumed the same of him. Instead, he'd take it out occasionally, run his fingers across the velvet and smile. He has the bra too. 

He tries on the rest of the clothes, none quite as perfect as that first piece, but some are great. A crop top he'd never seen Topanga wear, skirts and dresses and fancy tops. More than half of it doesn't fit or doesn't suit him, but the rest he tucks into the bag. He carefully pushes it under his bed and moves around the loose garbage to hide it better. His dad never comes into his room, but he has to be sure. 

The rest of the clothes he drops off at the Goodwill, an entire mile out of his way from school, and doesn't regret a thing.

xXx

His father leaves. Again. 

He leaves less than 100$ on the table and tells him he'll be back before it runs out. He buys as many groceries as he can, avoiding the store Cory's father manages so that Allan doesn't know he's on his own. The other store has a display of cheap jewelry and he throws a 2$ necklace in with the 50$ worth of food. It won't last him long, but he hopes his dad is right his time, that the 48$ will keep him going until he gets back. 

The food runs out, and he walks too far to a third store so they don't recognize him as the kid who bought the necklace. He's smart enough to know that they probably didn't notice when they rang it through the first time but he's irrational and afraid so a third store it is. He spends the rest of the money on food, and 1.50$ on a bracelet that he thinks will match the necklace. 

The food runs out but he still doesn't admit that his father is gone. At night he does his make-up and puts on Topanga's clothes. The necklace looks good with the bracelet and they both look good with the dress. He wonders how long he can go without eating, and without paying bills, before it becomes a problem. He wonders when his dad is coming back and if dressing like a woman while he's alone is a bad idea since Chet could come home at any time. 

He tries his best to hide how little he's eating but it becomes too difficult when Cory invites him for supper and he wolfs down two plates without stopping. The look Amy gives him makes him feel like a child. He's embarrassed and sad, and he thinks it shows on his face because she catches herself and ruffles Shawn's hair. "I'll make you up a plate for your dad, Shawn. Would you like some dessert?" 

He's so thankful for the Matthews that he nearly begins to cry. He keeps his voice even when he says "Yes, please." and "thank you" when his piece of pie is way bigger than everyone else's. Even Morgan has the sense not to comment. Cory's eyes follow him as he eats but he can't bring himself to care, the empty pit of his stoamch aches and he knows he'll end up vomiting on his way home from having eaten too much. 

Shawn doesn't miss the silent conversation Cory has with his mom, nor does he miss the not-so-silent conversation of Mr. and Mrs. Mathews when Cory insists they go study in the living room.

When Cory pops into the kitchen "for a drink" and stays for ten minutes, Shawn practices saying "no" in his head. When Cory returns, without a glass of milk Shawn might add, and tells him he's staying with them, his resolve shakes. He wants to say no. He wants to believe in his dad and decline their charity and pity. But his stomach hurts, and he's a little bit afraid when he stays alone in the trailer park at night. 

He wants, so badly, to say no. What actually comes out is "just until dad gets back, okay?

xXx

Cory offers to help him bring his stuff over but Shawn tells him its not much, and he wants to do it alone. He crams his masculine clothes on top of his girly ones. Wraps the makeup in an old hand-towel and tucks it in with his toothbrush. He doesn't dare leave a single piece of femininity behind, terrified of the uncles that tend to come around only when the place is empty. He runs his fingers across the dress, not sure when he'll get the chance to wear it again, and shoves it to the bottom of the bag.

xXx

A week later, he steals a pair of panties, quickly, from a bargain bin at Kmart. They’re lacy and soft and Shawn wears them to school underneath his normal clothes. He starts to do his own laundry at night.

xXx

It’s not stealing, he decides, if it never leaves the house.

Holed up in the Matthew boys’ bathroom, He gets to work with Morgan's nail polish. He's careful with it, making sure he doesn't go outside of the lines of his nails. He blows on his fingers afterward, like the women on TV do. When they dry, he admires them and then washes his hands. it takes a while for him to realize he's not sure how to get it off and spends the next few days with his hands in his pockets. If Cory notices, he doesn't say anything, and Shawn is grateful.

xXx 

Its Saturday night, and everyone is out. All on dates, except for Morgan, who's at a sleepover. He knows he's got a bit of time so he carefully gets dressed up. 

The dress is wrinkled, but it still spins when he walks. He's gotten better at his make-up and borrows some of Mrs. Matthews mascara to complete the look. He manages not to get anything where it shouldn't be, and it feels like a victory. The necklace and bracelet hang lightly, the cheap metal looking more beautiful than any real gold Shawn's ever seen. His nails are chipped so he touches them up. When he's done, he feels beautiful. He feels like he's finally at home in his body as he spins barefoot in Cory's bedroom with the door closed and the curtains drawn.

He wishes he had heels. Or nice, shiny boots. Something to finish the outfit off. He also wishes he could shave his legs without a brute in gym class calling him out. Mostly, he just wishes he'd locked the door.

Cory bursts in, full of energy as usual and talking a mile a minute about Topanga's aunt and why he had to come home so early. It takes him a full minute of talking and changing out of what he called his "fancy date clothes" before he realizes what Shawn looks like. He pauses. 

“Shawn… you’re wearing women’s clothes”

“Am I?” He says, he tries so hard to keep his voice steady and low. “I thought these were men’s, my bad.”

“You look” he pauses like he's carefully choosing each word. Shawn waits for the angry words to come, the demeaning insults and jokes at his expense. He’ll have to leave tomorrow. Stay in his cold trailer and eat food bank cans until his dad turns up or they repossess it; whichever comes first.

“Pretty.” Is the last word Shawn expects to hear come out of Cory's mouth.

“What?” Shawn says

“Pretty.” Cory repeats, sheepishly, his face turning a little pink. “You look really pretty.”

Shawn wants to grin, but he’s not ready for anyone to know how much he likes this. He’s not even ready for anyone to know he does this.

“Thanks.” He mumbles, smiling at the floor.

"Are you wearing make-up?" Cory asks, in a tone Shawn can't quite pin down. 

"Yeah, yeah I am" He admits.

"It looks good."

This time Shawn does grin. Cory smiles back, and they stand there like that for a moment before Shawn realizes that Cory isn't the only person who sleeps in this room. 

"we should lock the door before Eric walks in and sees you shirtless and me in drag." 

"Right." Cory says, seemingly dazed, and does what he's told. He watches Cory pull a t-shirt out of his closet and Shawn rustles through his bag to do the same.

"you can leave it on." Cory says, realizing that Shawn is going to change. "If you want to, I mean."

"Really? You don't mind?" Shawn asks, nervously. 

"No, I don't mind. You look really" Cory blushes, shakes his head and doesn't finish the sentence. "Wanna watch a movie?" 

Shawn smiles "Yeah, okay." 

They settle in on Cory's bed, shoulder to shoulder. Some static-y horror film plays out in front of him but Shawn can't focus on it. All he can think about is the fact that he's in a dress, and Cory doesn't mind.

"Hey, Cor?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

**Author's Note:**

> Unedited, so if you catch a mistake, lemme know in a comment! Or just comment to let me know what you think.


End file.
